When it comes to punishments for teenagers, the first choice of most parents is deprivation, which is taking something that the teen may value. However, limiting everything can make a child more rebellious, and the parent-child relationship could deteriorate. You may understand that discipline is not about punishments, and it’s all about encouraging your child to behave in the right way. The question of punishment often arises when a teen breaks the fundamental rule, and what they have done affects others. Although many parents feel that the teen should face the consequences for their misbehavior, it is always better to explain what they have done and why they should not repeat the same thing. Hurtful punishments can backfire, and many teens tend to repeat mistakes with a willingness to accept the consequences. Read on to know how to deal with teens’ behavioral problems and the dos and don’ts of punishments for teens.
Are Punishments Good For Teens?
You should mete out age-appropriate punishments when your teen misbehaves to ensure they do not repeat it. Punishments work in some cases but backfire in others. If your parenting style is heavily reliant on severe punishment, it could deter the child from learning self-discipline. Also, a very heavy-handed punishment strategy could turn a teen rebellious and make them resort to lying or hiding things from you. Carrie Krawiec, a marriage and family therapist from Troy, Michigan, says, “Consequences are intended to be a method to teach appropriate behavior by removing a desired item or privilege or adding a chore or inconvenience. Research shows that small consequences for small infractions are more meaningful for behavior change than levying big punishments. Big threats and consequences don’t work because often the parent cannot follow through.” Punishments are necessary, and they do work when they are designed in the right way and with the right approach. When your goal is to discipline your teen and ensure that they are empowered to make better choices or handle similar situations more effectively, the punishment you design will achieve its purpose. It is up to you to think of consequences that will benefit your teenager and guide them to display good behavior. A good starting point is to get the teen’s active participation in setting up strong yet smooth house rules and impose appropriate punishments for breaking them. The teen’s involvement gives them control over the situation and encourages compliance.
How To Design Appropriate Consequences For Teens?
Krawiec suggests, “Parents should explain early and often the expectations for appropriate behavior. I tell teens it’s okay to be mad but not bad— meaning bad behavior. If your child acts with hostility (not physically violent), give an appropriate direction and an opportunity to retry the behavior. For example, to a shouting teen, you may start with ‘make that statement with a lower volume.’ When they comply, offer verbal praise such as ‘thank you’.” When designing consequences for bad behavior, keep the following points in mind:
Consequence as a resolution to the act: Remember that your intent is to correct the teen, help them rectify their behavior, and understand the trouble they have caused. The best way to do this is to ensure that the consequence or punishment is aimed at resolving the problem. For example, a teen who breaks a neighbor’s window should apologize in person to the neighbor and get their window repaired out of their pocket money. While this may not always be possible, your aim should be to sync the consequence with the issue.
Consequence in proportion to the misbehavior: Ensure the intensity of the consequence is in proportion to the problem or misbehavior. For example, the teen forgets to take out the garbage. Don’t overreact and ground them for a week. Instead, let them take the garbage out during the weekend. Image: Shutterstock
However, if the teen resorts to violence in a tiff with peers, do not take it lightly and pass it off with a minor consequence. This needs a far stronger, more intense reaction and consequence proportionate to the gravity of the misbehavior.
Consequence within the boundaries of self-respect: Never put down the teen or attack their self-confidence when meting out punishment. A consequence that is humiliating fails to teach the teen anything and only makes them rebellious.
Effective Punishment Strategies For Teens
As the parent, you know which punishments work best with your teen because you know their likes, dislikes, and preferences. Regardless, here are a few common and effective punishment strategies used by parents of teens. This works well with all electronic gadgets, especially if the teen’s favorite go-to gadget is their phone or laptop. The ‘no electronics’ punishment works well whenever the teen ignores you and their allocated chores and chooses to remain immersed in their digital world.
Common Mistakes In Implementing Punishment
Parents can sometimes get frazzled and stressed with the teen’s latest escapade. This is when they tend to make mistakes when implementing a punishment or consequence. Here are some common mistakes that you should avoid. Apart from avoiding these mistakes, always let the teen know that everyone messes up at times but gets second chances if they genuinely regret the mistake. Help the teen figure out why they committed the mistake, how not to repeat it, and what to do to stay away from a similar trouble in the future. The key to this is to have open communication with them, preferably once they are done with the punishment. This gives them time to retrospect and also understand the full impact of their action.
How To Help A Teen Avoid Punishments?
Just as it is your responsibility as a parent to correct your teen by meting out punishment when necessary, it is also your job to help them avert situations that call for punishment. Here are a few points that will encourage your teen to follow the rules and avoid punishment. Krawiec recommends, “Continue to monitor and supervise for healthy behavior. Reinforce expectations, brainstorm solutions for agreed-upon closeness, and set consequences for violations of expectations. Explain when trust is high, supervision can be low, and when trust is low, supervision must be high.” Activities that let you give them positive attention, such as playing a game they like or discussing a book or movie they love, can help set the stage for a sound relationship with them. When your teen shares a friendly, good relationship with you, the chances are they will discuss their problems with you without inhibitions. Creating a respectful, empathetic environment at home also works magic in making teens behave well. After all, if they like being treated with consideration and respect, they have to prove themselves worthy of it too.
